Dear You

Dear you,
I have written this letter in my head so many times. I haven’t ever figured out what my point is exactly, but I know that I must get it out as clearly as possible or you won’t ever hear me. I thought about telling you all that you are doing wrong, but I’m sure you know exactly what your faults are. I thought about telling you how bad you are hurting us all, but I’m sure you can see the effects of your actions. So here I am, without a solid foundation to stand on. I have no podium to stand confidently behind and hand you my two cents. Let’s face it, if I had two cents, you’d have already taken them.
When opening this conversation, you may ask exactly why I hate you. I just want you to know that I don’t hate you. Actually, I love you and my heart is heavily burdened for you and mostly your children. What I can’t stand about- the things that bring my blood to a boil- is your denial that anything ever happened. I hate that you lie to everyone, even yourself. I hate that you steal from everyone, including your children. I hate that you have lost your conviction. Mostly I hate that my aunt has turned into the person I lock my car doors for, the one who makes my mom lock her valuables in a safe. I want to shake you by the shoulders until you wake up! *****, if you need help, if you’re on drugs, if someone is threatening your life, tell us the truth! Lying has never fooled anyone, despite what you believe, we can see right through your façade. It is only hurting you. We can’t keep you out of jail forever.
When you were born, you were given every opportunity to be good. You were probably handed more than any other being on the planet. You never wanted for anything. You never had problems that money couldn’t fix. You were- you are smart. You have two beautiful girls and a tongue that can sooth a lion. But at the same time, all these attributes work against you. All your blessings turned into your greatest curses.
I will be totally honest with you- I couldn’t care less about you. What I care about is all the people you are hurting. Your parents, who by the grace of God still love you- you steal from the home they let you live in. Your girls- there is no coming back from all the trauma you have put those two through. Do you understand how you hurt them? Do you even realize all that you do?
I have found it very hard to love you. I have prayed and prayed for God to give me the strength to forgive all you have done to this family. I believe that the only reason his light is able to shine through me and shed an ounce of grace on you is because you haven’t touched my personal life. You haven’t entered into my room and touch my belongings, or, that I’m aware of, taken money from my bank account. That is probably the only reason I have begged God to put in my heart the forgiveness that you don’t deserve.
Then I realized that I didn’t deserve the forgiveness that God gave me. I deserve hell just like you or the pope or my mother. I realized that God loved me, despite my flaws and despite my sins and he forgave all my sins before I could ask. It is with that knowledge that I can say, “If God can forgive me, then I can forgive you.” I forgive you for all the pain that you inflict on my Grampa, my Grandma, my daddy, my cousins, my mom, and the old people at the nursing home. *****, I forgive you.
I spoke to a very wise woman on this subject. I spoke to her about the ability to forgive. She pulled me close and told me that we are commanded to forgive. I knew she would say this, but she encouraged my prayers. She encouraged my strength. And so now I have to ask you for your forgiveness. As a follower of God, I mustn’t hold back the love that I should share. I am sorry.
If not for me, if not for your parents, if not for your sister, if not for your children, will you for God- who has forgiven you infinitely, who knows all your lies- will you turn your life around and attempt to right the wrongs. Stop lying, stop stealing, stop committing adultery, stop coveting, for these sins are all as if you murdered. I have your soul in my hands and I ask you, for my heart’s burden, get right with your family, get right with your friends, and get right with God.
I love you and will continue praying for your awakening.