Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Vocation Vocation Vocation
These last few days I have been doubting all the abilities I believed myself to have. It don’t feel like a writer. I don’t feel like an artist. It’s hard when your whole life you have searched diligently for a place to belong, a groove to fit into, and when you get to the end, you feel like you may have picked the wrong groove. I feel like a square peg who has been fooling herself into believing she belonged in a round whole. I feel betrayed. Why hasn’t anyone ever told me that I was a joke? Why hasn’t anyone spun me around to see the other side of the world and give me a chance to find where I belong?
My whole life, I have had a passion for literature. It cries out from deep within my soul and begs me to write. It begs me to set the inner words free. I have allowed these words to flow freely for most of my life. It wasn’t until lately that I just don’t believe that I write well. I doubt that even belong in a world with authors and journalists. I suppose I will have to pick a simple career like being a doctor or a lawyer- those vocations have finite points. They are almost impossible to misinterpret.
I have come to accept that being and artist is overrated. I may be ‘talented’, but I shan’t subject myself to a world full of mentally distressed individuals who bear their souls for spare change. I couldn’t handle the stress that accompanies the rejection and criticism that make up art. I am more than aware that all my photographs won’t always be breath taking. I understand that not all my paintings will be suitable as Christmas gifts. It scares me to think about basing a career around these things because their world is ever changing. I wouldn’t ever be able to keep ahead of the curve. I would stand, hacking in the dust left behind by all those who went to chase the modern standard.
So here I am. I have no vocation. I have no realistic dreams. I have no decent interests. I stand alone before the wilderness I have come to recognize as my future and tremble. Not having a plan- not knowing isn’t something I am accustomed to, nor am I willing to become acquainted with. I refuse to shake hands with defeat or mediocrity. I will find a place to be, a path through the wilderness that hasn’t already been trodden. I will accept all my struggles with wide open arms and a smile on my face. Screw the groove. Future, this game of hide and seek is over. You’re it!
My whole life, I have had a passion for literature. It cries out from deep within my soul and begs me to write. It begs me to set the inner words free. I have allowed these words to flow freely for most of my life. It wasn’t until lately that I just don’t believe that I write well. I doubt that even belong in a world with authors and journalists. I suppose I will have to pick a simple career like being a doctor or a lawyer- those vocations have finite points. They are almost impossible to misinterpret.
I have come to accept that being and artist is overrated. I may be ‘talented’, but I shan’t subject myself to a world full of mentally distressed individuals who bear their souls for spare change. I couldn’t handle the stress that accompanies the rejection and criticism that make up art. I am more than aware that all my photographs won’t always be breath taking. I understand that not all my paintings will be suitable as Christmas gifts. It scares me to think about basing a career around these things because their world is ever changing. I wouldn’t ever be able to keep ahead of the curve. I would stand, hacking in the dust left behind by all those who went to chase the modern standard.
So here I am. I have no vocation. I have no realistic dreams. I have no decent interests. I stand alone before the wilderness I have come to recognize as my future and tremble. Not having a plan- not knowing isn’t something I am accustomed to, nor am I willing to become acquainted with. I refuse to shake hands with defeat or mediocrity. I will find a place to be, a path through the wilderness that hasn’t already been trodden. I will accept all my struggles with wide open arms and a smile on my face. Screw the groove. Future, this game of hide and seek is over. You’re it!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Over Achieving, Anti- Procrastinating
Beginning school could be compared to listening to a new song. We are skeptical in the beginning, we fall in love with it near the middle, and once we reach the end we don’t want it to be over. Once it’s over, it means we have reached the age that forces us out into the world.
Cliché as it may be, I am going to miss this place. I am going to miss its crowded halls, its small population, its family atmosphere. I will miss the days I spent dreaming my time away. I will miss the teachers who put all they had into teaching us. I’ll even miss cramming for exams at the last possible minute. I loved growing up here. I loved watching this place grow. There have been so many memories made here that I can’t take them all with me in one trip.
Aucilla has had no choice but to become a part of us- imbedded forever. I know it is a piece of me I won’t ever forget. It may not know, but Aucilla has become my source of friendship, entertainment, and love over the years. If I ever needed anything I know I could turn to any of the students or teachers I have encountered here for help, a laugh, or a prayer.
I have been with a particular group of students longer than should be allowed. It has been quite an experience. There were the good times, the boring times, the bad times, and there were the greatest times. But now that it’s all over, we have to move on. Some will keep in touch, some will attend school together. But for most of us, when we walk across that stage, it will be the last we ever see of each other. I wouldn’t replace not one second of the time we had together. It was truly a rare experience we had here. We were allowed to be a family, and a family is what we have become. Let’s not forget the great blessing we received from each other- I know I won’t.
I cannot even begin to say farewell. Adieu. Adios. Sayonara. Bye. But I suppose it is necessary. So I will say, see you later. May you walk in the Lord’s will.
-Jessica
Cliché as it may be, I am going to miss this place. I am going to miss its crowded halls, its small population, its family atmosphere. I will miss the days I spent dreaming my time away. I will miss the teachers who put all they had into teaching us. I’ll even miss cramming for exams at the last possible minute. I loved growing up here. I loved watching this place grow. There have been so many memories made here that I can’t take them all with me in one trip.
Aucilla has had no choice but to become a part of us- imbedded forever. I know it is a piece of me I won’t ever forget. It may not know, but Aucilla has become my source of friendship, entertainment, and love over the years. If I ever needed anything I know I could turn to any of the students or teachers I have encountered here for help, a laugh, or a prayer.
I have been with a particular group of students longer than should be allowed. It has been quite an experience. There were the good times, the boring times, the bad times, and there were the greatest times. But now that it’s all over, we have to move on. Some will keep in touch, some will attend school together. But for most of us, when we walk across that stage, it will be the last we ever see of each other. I wouldn’t replace not one second of the time we had together. It was truly a rare experience we had here. We were allowed to be a family, and a family is what we have become. Let’s not forget the great blessing we received from each other- I know I won’t.
I cannot even begin to say farewell. Adieu. Adios. Sayonara. Bye. But I suppose it is necessary. So I will say, see you later. May you walk in the Lord’s will.
-Jessica
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