I am having trouble believing there is any hope left in the world. I am slowly realizing that there probably isn’t going to be a happy ending. As soon as I solve one problem, the minimal dash of happiness it produces retreats to allow space for a new and improved problem. A problem with super powers. A problem I am too weak to solve. I would really love for my world to be at rest for a while. I want to have one thing work my way. I would love to stop being pessimistic about one thing.
Not just anything, mind you, but this one particular thing. It isn’t a problem just yet, but I expect it will soon become one. I do believe that I have allowed complications to rise in that I need more. I need an emotion connection with someone, anyone more than anything. I need to feel wanted. I need to feel desired. I need to know I’m not alone here. I need to know I’m not a mistake. I need to not be another chapter. I need to be the grand ending that you anticipate for pages. I need to know that you want the same thing.
This is more. I’m not asking, I am telling you: THIS IS MORE. I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it in your touch. You can try to hold it back and hide it, but I see more in you than just lust. Can I be the one to fix you? Are you going to let that happen? Can you open your mind to me, even just for a second? Just to let me know I am not going crazy, that I am not hallucinating all the signals you keep sending, that you really do want to hold me and know I am yours.
I want to be yours. Even just for a minute. I want a label to paste on my forehead. I want everyone know that I am proud to have you and that I accept your flaws. I want to watch you flaunt me, and accept everything I am so good at doing wrong. I want the chance to scare you away with all my craziness. I want to start a forever with you, even if it’s temporary.
Because where I sit right now, I can’t imagine us becoming nothing. We work so well together. We are success for each other.
Or perhaps I really am delusional and I am creating a fantasy from our friendship. Perhaps you are just a kind face. A gentle shoulder to turn to when I am in need. Perhaps I need to adjust the focus and realize there is no hope in the world. There are no happy endings. You aren’t my happy ending. You aren’t how I start my forever.
Or maybe you are.
I suppose I will never know if I don’t ask…
And the plot is suspended.
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