Enough.

Something that scared me while you were around is that I knew you were enough. I didn’t need to succeed to be happy. I knew as long as I had you, I would be happy. I knew that success would happen eventually and I could focus on life happening now. Instead of trying to make the future happen.
Now that you are gone, I’m afraid that no one will ever be enough again.
I’m afraid that I will never be enough.
And that nothing is going to matter again.
It isn’t that I loved you. Not even a little. But I do wonder daily if I will ever be happy in my own skin again. Will I ever laugh? Will I ever feel? Will anyone ever feel me again? Will I ever get the good kind of butterflies?
You have breaking my heart from the beginning. All I ask is that you be careful what you say to me. Because it is a delicate balance, a fine line, between our happiness and our friendship. I know we both want to cross that line, but you built the wall. You made me put my guard back up.
It is all because of you.
Please let life be enough.