God Only Knows...

I am still trying to fully figure out what it is I did to catch the world's eye.
I don't mean the good type of attention.
I don't mean the glorious type of fame.
I mean this painful knowledge that everyday when I get up that some new rumor has been spread about me amongst the people I thought I knew.
I don't think it is exactly fair.
I know that nothing about me is perfect. But I also know I haven't ever been a vindictive person. Somebody in my life thinks this cruel defamation of my character is hilarious. I hope the sick joy they get out of destroying me is everything they wanted. Because this pain is something I have never known.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
But I will keep smiling like this doesn't bother me in the least.
I will pretend that I am as strong as you all think.
I will prevail through this trial like I am a super human...
Because if I don't, nothing will ever be okay for me here.
Perhaps this is the world giving me a shove in the right direction for my life. Maybe this is opportunity not just knocking, but beating down my door. Maybe.
Maybe not.
Whatever THIS is, it's not going to get me. It will not destroy my heart. It will destroy you.
You know who you are, and so does God.