Every time something seems to be going right, I manage to destroy it. I am arriving at this place that is void of all emotions simply because I have allowed myself to be hurt so often.
Everyone around me keeps telling me that it isn’t my fault. “You’re perfect…” “It’s not you…” And at the same time they feed me lines like “I can’t handle a relationship with you right now...” It stings every time I think about all the people I have driven off by just being myself.
I’m ready for being me to be enough. I am ready for being smart, sassy, and beautiful to work to my advantage rather than making all these people think I am better off alone. If I wanted to be alone, I wouldn’t be around. If I wanted to be overlooked, I wouldn’t bother taking care to show up.
Why is it that all these people say one thing to me, then show me the emotion they claim isn’t there? For example, my most recent heartbreak said to me “I have too much going on… I can’t handle a relationship… you are going to find someone who deserves a great girl like you…” (or something like that) then proceeded to continue the flirting that got us into this situation in the first place.
I am arriving at a place that is filled with frustration and anger. This repeat pattern just isn’t working for me. Break this curse. End this cycle.
Can someone please just sweep me off my feet and carry me away from all this nonsense. Please.
I am tired of thinking about myself and being close to tears. I want to be happy so bad it hurts. I am trying so hard to be enough for myself… but I need more. I need someone to want me so bad they will burst if I don’t cave into their persistent attempts to make me fall for them. I want what other girls get.
I want you.
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